A Mother's Advice to Marriage
With Mother’s Day approaching this weekend, help we feel it’s perfect timing to share a mother’s words of wisdom regarding relationships and marriage. In this expert from the Huffington Post, a mother gives her daughter 10 tips on how to create a successful marriage. While this advice is perfect for her own kin, we believe our own brides and grooms can benefit from her personal experiences.
“Be who you are. You came to the relationship as whole people, with identities and a purpose in life. Feel complete in your relationship, share your happiness, look forward to everything you’ll do together, feel better about everything when he walks in the room, and miss him when he’s gone. But honor your individuality. He loves things about you that you’re not even aware of.
Know your marriage. As you know yourself, know your marriage — why you love each other, what you need, what you have learned to give and take — and realize that very, very little of this is visible to others. When people tell you when to buy a house, or when to have children, or why your marriage should be like theirs, remember how much information they are really working with, which is practically none.
We love differently. People can love each other equally and show it very differently. Women of words can be married to men of action if each knows they are loved the best way possible by the other and wish to stay that way.
Talk. Tiny amounts of honest communication — all the time — even when you’re not together will keep you in sight of each other. Absent or lazy communication — all the time — even when you’re in close proximity to each other is worse than silence.
Listen. Learn to listen as much as you wish to be heard. You do this now, but life will get noisy. There will be distractions. Listening is not just making eye contact and waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can tend to something else. That’s just hearing.
Show your belly. There are plenty of times when you should play your cards right, not give yourself away, not expose your belly. But in a marriage is not where to do that. Show who you are. If it’s hard to do that sometimes, you’re doing it right.
Bring it up. Even if you are sure what is in his heart, never think you know what’s in his mind. Don’t let something go just to avoid “clashing.” Give each other a chance to be understanding and allow yourself to be surprised.
Use Humor. When stuff seizes your attention that won’t matter in a year from now, do your best to treat it with humor. Humor heals, humor binds, humor relieves everything in the world and makes life easier. It also improves your facial expression.
Ask. When you do get upset with each other, start conversations with these words: “I’m having trouble with something but I think you can help.” It’s amazing how responsive people can be when they are invited to help you, rather than defend themselves.
The most important thing, what will keep you attuned, what may assure you live within the hearts of each other, as well as in the same house, is this:
If it’s happy, if it’s loving, if you mean it…
You make me happy. I appreciate you. I love you. I’m glad I married you.”